September 9, 2014
Happy Birthday Emma,
Fourteen is amazing to me. You are already going into the second year of your teens. I can only imagine how beautiful you are: tall, long hair, and a huge smile to match those big, beautiful blue eyes. I would love to have a picture of you at 14 years old.
Last week was the beginning of school. I know Alyson would be entering Floral Park Memorial with all her friends for 7th grade, and you would be starting at Sacred Heart Academy. I always dreamed of you going there, so I keep my dream alive by imagining you there in your uniform, with Emma K. and other friends from grammar school. Bella goes there and she would be keeping a look-out for you and Emma! I saw some girls from Sacred Heart last week after school. They were leaving the Sweet Shoppe, heading home, and it made me smile. It also made me cry my eyes out when I got to the car. I am thankful for the relationship I am still able to have with you, Alyson, and Katie, but sometimes it is just not enough. I get so mad that we don’t get to share all these special moments together, it makes me want to kick and scream. I realize that wouldn’t be good for you to see, so I do my best to try and keep it together, but with as much pain as I feel, it is hard.
My birthday present to you this year is: I am going to try harder to be a better mother and woman. I know I am capable of so much more, I just get afraid sometimes and lose my confidence. Being afraid is fine, as long as it does not stop you from trying, and I am going to try to not let my fear stop me. I know that with you and your sisters by my side I will be ok, and I will be able to make you proud and give you the confidence you girls need to do amazing things. You make me so proud, and I wish you the best birthday and I will be wrapping my arms around you all day, I know you can feel it, because I feel your hugs! Have a fabulous day!